I wish I had a photo of Ivan’s concerned face. The following scenario would be so much better told if you could see his expressive eyes.
The other day he disobeyed me and had to be spanked. I don’t even remember now what it was, but it was something serious enough that I took him to his room and we had a talk before I spanked him. His face was so strained and you could see the agony in him as he nodded and acknowledged what he had done. He took his punishment screaming and crying his fear and disappointment. He is very, very sensitive and though I sometimes barely tap his little behind he will scream and cry as loud and long for that as a more severe punishment. He does not like to mess up and he does not like to be corrected…I know, I know…none of us do, but he is that personality that takes it so personally.
After a spanking I usually have to hold Ivan for at least five minutes before he’s willing to loose his grip at all. He soaks in every bit of forgiveness and comfort he can get. This particular time we sat for a while and talked some more. Me explaining over and over that spankings are because I want him to be the best Ivan he can be and him nodding and wearing that furrowed brow with tear filled concerned eyes looking at me as if he wanted to reassure me that he’s okay. He was smiling. Through the tears and humbled expression he was smiling…for me. I finally looked at him and asked…”do you understand?” He nodded. I asked…”are you okay?” He looked at me for a second and shook his head no. Oh…poor little man. I love his strength and his honesty. He has such passion and such sincerity wrapped in that little tiny body. I picked him up and carried him to Aron’s room where we sat and rocked for a while…as we sang and prayed together in the rocking chair I was reminded of a moment we shared in his infancy where his smile came through despite the pain he felt. He is indeed a strong, brave little man.